Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Fathers Day!

Today is a day that I reflect upon - on many different levels.

First I looked at my childhood and tried to recall any Sundays in my life time that involved being together as a family with my father being present - how sad that I can't recall any of them. You see my dad was active in his alcohol addiction and spent many, many hours away from home and when he did come mom spent a whole lot of time taking his inventory and doing so loudly enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. I was not very happy living there and couldn't wait for the time when I would become an adult and be able to fly away....which I did.
Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad and love my mom and to this day I continue to hold found loving thoughts for him. He's been gone now for over 20 years and his face is in my memory producing warm feelings......I tend to turn to him when I am struggling with thoughts of my son and his current path and I also turn to him with loving thoughts when special days comes around - such as today.

Then I look at my husband and how he was present for our two sons as they were growing up....playing with them every weekend and participating from the time they were born with the feedings, cleanings and what not. Then I wonder what thoughts my sons have over the memories of their childhood and whether they took those for granted or whether they appreciate that they were able to spend time with their dad.....In a way and from my point of view - it is relative in a way.

And further more, our oldest son is about to become a father within the next 30 days or so and I am holding warm feelings when I think of him and the love he will experience for this new little bundle ..... in the process experiencing what parenthood is all about. I know that he will be a great father - his heart is grand and generous in every way.

Then - as the itty bitty shitty committe would have it - the thoughts of my youngest son comes to mind too and i wonder...and wonder....and wonder....whether there  will ever be one of those days taking place in his life. Since becoming an adult, his life has been anything but simple or "normal" - well, normal in my own book of life I guess. He's to be released from prison in a few months and life will be right there and personal....and I wonder where this will take him this time with no money, no friend.....lack of jobs everywhere and a very long rap sheet.

So, I pray and send some wishes up to my dad and ask him to help my son and to show him the way to go.