Saturday, September 17, 2011

Peace in my heart

Yup, got lazy and have not been doing my blog lately.

 I've returned from my trip in Canada over a week ago....that was quite a trip too. My mom had fallen and landed in the hospital - the 3 rd time within the past 6 months - and was not doing so well. It was discussed with her that she could not return to live at "home" but would need to be put in an assisted living. Needless to say she was pretty discouraged and depressed over the whole scenario. She still has her mind but her body is no longer supporting her.
So, I spend two weeks there.....packing her life in boxes. It was emotional for me as well and disconcerting to see how many ism she had been carrying around. I knew that she ate with her emotions but had not realized that she shopped that way as many things I packaged like her hair stuff....there was enough to open a hair salon. Same with the clothes....many with tags on....and 60 pairs of pants ??? who owns that many pants, I just don't know.
The photo drawer was another....I found the photos that I have sent her over the years of the kids as they were growing up. I also found many photos of herself in her youth but was sadden to realize that there were no photos of us - me & bro - from the times we grew up as a family....????
And her food situation was really see food in the freezer that had an expiration date of 2008 and the canned foods that had bulges in them from being so old.
On the up side.....I was able to turn a lot of my emotions around and have more empathy and compassion toward her as she enters this next stage in her life. So many years were wasted on resentments and anger.
Even though it was an emotional trip on many levels, it brought a lot of closure to past events and memories that did not serve me opened the door for healing and acceptance. Today I am at peace and glad that I made the effort to go and to spend time with her.
I spoke with her today, she is still in the hospital and waiting for a bed to open at her destination of choice. She is healing and she sounded positive for the most part....the conversation was light and loving.
Growth....for us.

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