Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Nothing changes if nothing changes

I was sharing my thoughts with another blogger this morning and later realized that it had not gone through.....duh....turns out yesterday I got a gmail address and it somehow got connected to the blog and that is why it wasn't going through....well, that's what I think happened anyway, I'm not always the brightest bulb when it comes to the ins and out of computers.

 Anyhoo.....the point of my message, which was directed to Annette was in sharing that 'nothing changes if nothing changes'.

Back a few years ago I attended a f2f Families Anonymous meeting and there I met a lady who had struggled for a life time, it seemed, in dealing with her son's addictions. Turns out that every time something happened....whether it was losing a job, needing extra money, getting arrested or needing an attorney for proper defense....her sons would contact her with the news of the circumstances and the pleas of helping. Each and every time, she would step up and help out - "just this one last time" - and of course would repeat the same actions over and over again, somewhat making excuses that the emergencies were different - this time.
'Well, this went on for 30+ years and as I listened to this lady sharing her experiences with me and stating that she had no strength left and no hope to share.....I vowed to myself that I wouldn't put myself through this and I would not be doing my son such a dis-service. (I am not judging her for what she did- she did what she felt she needed to do - and as such am doing what I need to do for me) Such a pattern had been established now and her sons always looked to her for bailing out, never figuring out how to take care of their problems for themselves. This lady has passed on now and I often wonder what happened to her sons and whether or not they have sought recovery now that their major enabler is no longer in the picture.

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