So, I talked this morning about illness and how many people that I had heard about who were suffering one way or another. It just so happened that mid day the mailman delivered a letter from my son.
It had been one week since we last talked....our last conversation was about the fact that he was allowed only one phone call before going into confinement and had given me the lowdown and had asked me to call and place a complaint against the individual who had beat him up.
I slept on that one and decided that if I were to make waves that it might end up being detrimental for him....perhaps resulting in more physical abuse.
Nothing about this is easy and today's letter is much the same....he is still in confinement and complaining about the fact that he doesn't the showers that he needs and has not been provided with soap either and he stinks. Other than that, the pain is incredible and he thinks that he might have 2 broken ribs as the result of that beating. He's still pleading that we continue to place complaints on his behalf and he doesn't understand why he has to suffer so and has to be confined when he, in fact, hasn't done anything to deserve this.
As a mother, it hurts when my son is hurting and "I" don't deserve this either. I would like to make it all better for him and for me too....but I know this isn't the answer. He is where he is now as a result of the consequences of his actions...I didn't put him there and i certainly didn't teach him the things that he has been doing.
I need to continue to work in my own program and detach myself from this situation.....there has been many similar situations....similar in the way that i feel and how powerless I am over any of it and in the end it really doesn't have my name on it.